I agree that butch and femme are terms founded in gender nonconformity that inherently exclude men! But I think its important to understand that a relationship between two women in which one or both is bi is just as exclusionary of men as a relationship between two lesbians. The potential for attraction to men does not actively bring men into a f/f relationship, and assuming that it does is biphobic. And historically speaking, bi women in same gender relationships have been regarded the same way as lesbians.

I don’t think that it’s always appropriate for bi women to use the butch and femme labels, but I think that they should be allowed to use them when discussing their presentation around other women and their relationships with them. I feel the same way about the d slur, which is similarly reclaimed partially for the purpose of excluding men. That being said, of course bi women in same gender relationships still experience homophobia and biphobia, but their experiences with gender conformity are often different.

I think that tumblr’s new culture of encouraging women conflicted about their attraction to men to just push it aside and call themselves lesbians makes us forget that there are plenty of women out there who don’t really want to pursue romantic relationships with men and instead prioritize women, but still identify themselves as bi. And I think that putting barriers on which wlw can say which terms just heightens the pressure placed on us to choose a strict label instead of just saying, I like women, and that’s a big part of my life, so this is how I identify myself with respect to the world. Which feels more important to me I guess, as someone who doesn’t really know her sexuality and probably never will.